W-day

haloooo midnite world!!

js back from my pre-wed photoshoot yesterday, and im back in office today.
dun rili care who's reading anymore... just wanted a space to spill my thots. how bad can that be. lol..

anwy, with the big day getting nearer and nearer, and more to-do-lists checked, i still feel that i can js let go of the whole planning and arranging of the big W-day! lol.. odd eh?

all i could wish and pray for, since the beginnnin of the relationship was for my guy to be a christian. and i wanted a wedding that is accordingly, and in the name of God. and i also know that i realized, back wen we just started to plan for the W, that due to the fact that i cant hav it that way, i know that whatever comes after that, i dun rili care. even if i am dressed down, while my guests are elegantly dressed, i dun mind. seriously i dun mind at all. lol...

i oso dun mind if my invitation card looks outdated like it was from back in the 80s. as long as the respectful way of inviting is being carried out, most importantly without offending anyone.. thats good enuf.

i dun even care if some peeps cant find dresses or dressed up against the theme color White. lol.. apa apa lah. i dun mind.

my point is, my no. 1 wish is to hav it solemnized in god's name. and i cant have that. so other things dont matter much.

call me odd. call me weird. call me with watever name u wan it to be. lol.. i dun care.

i oso dun care if I MYSELF cant get to choose WHAT I MYSELF like for MY OWN WEDDING just becoz my guy is the only son in the family - thus his parents wud oso be the host for ONCE only.. thus certain things gota be 'screened / filtered' by them even tho i dun rili like those selected options.

people wud definitely tell it to me:
"aiyahhh, just let them have what they want la.. afterall, its their only son, and its their only time to hav this privilege to host a wedding dinner... just give in la."

even i myself wud tell myself that. lol.. and sometimes, i even questioned myself - see lah, who ask u to choose a guy who is the only son in the family lah...?!!

but sometimes, i oso wondered - has anybody thought of me??
its MY wedding. its supposed to be MY big day.. and evybadi is fussing about the parents la, the siblings la.. tis and that. yeah sure, i can give in... but how ironic it is that i cant get what i want for my own day. lol...

IT IS SUPPOSED TO BE MY ONE AND ONLY TIME GETTING MARRIED TOO, u know... just like how it is with his parents being the host for this once. i will be the bride for this once too... but why cant i chuz the things i REALLY wanted to do?

and nawp... this is not sumtg i shud bother him with. lol.. so that is why, my midnite world -  im telling it to u. lol. if i tel it to him, its gona make him stuck in between. esp with his indecisive character. not firm enuf.

at the end of the day, it is all about the repo. the image. the shud-bessss and things like dat. lol...
inviting families of ppl whom parents mite not even know. ending up with us having to cut down on frens who really have been there in our lives as we grew up.

i just wanted an exchange of vow in Jesus' name - it cud be anywhere as long as its accordingly, a simple and closed circle tea ceremony for both parents for their love and care for us & REALLy close relatives that matters in our lives, and a trabelmoon of just the two of us. so simple, yet so imposiber. haizzzz...

so dont blame me if im still lacking in the department called "Excitement"...

hmmmm,.... i do wonder, do ppl call this the anxiety attack? lol.. or wads the other term for it. lol... but im quite sure it isnt that.

gona try to sleep now... goodnite!